Monday, March 11, 2019

There's Always Parking At Sears

"Have you ever been in a Burger King where people don't look despondent?" I asked. I'd stopped with Gloria on the way back from a hockey trip to Detroit, and Eli 17.7 was traveling with his team.

"I don't remember," Gloria said.

"Everyone in a Burger King looks like the revolution failed and they're just waiting for the police to arrive," I said.

It's true. Burger King has surprisingly good food, usually, but everyone looks like it takes all their effort to draw their next breath. It smells like onion rings combined with your grandmother's house, greasy and musty at the same time.

Plus, most Burger Kings are sadly enormous, with seating for 20X more people than will ever eat there at at one time. The parking lots are vast, empty tracts.

On our way out, walking across the asphalt wasteland, I had an insight.

"Burger King is the Sears of fast food franchises," I said.

Gloria laughed.

"There's always parking at Sears," I said.

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