Friday, January 07, 2005

Some Assembly Required

In response to Admiral Dan Sinking's letter about the Fire House Bookcase and Storage Shelves, DQ reader Matt Kreuch sent in the ultimate child-item assembly story. And please put me on suicide watch immediately if I buy this item.

Dear Admiral Sinking,
As you profess to be a true glutton for punishment in the art of “assembly”, I offer you this challenge. Sail yourself down to the nearest Costco and plunder yourself the brilliantly designed Sunray Premium Playground by Rainbow!

Imagine the fun! Six exquisite, 300lb boxes containing hundreds upon hundreds of pieces and parts, all caringly laid out in a non-sequential challenge. Oh the excitement of measuring each and every unmarked piece of wood, screw, nut and bolt and matching it to the scrap of paper containing the technical illustration. I’m getting all giddy reminiscing. To add to the consumer’s enjoyment….nothing is predrilled for your convenience. Oh Admiral…it gets better. Take a look at the “Tools Not Included” list:

Tool List (not included):
· Tape measure
· Carpenters level
· Claw hammer
· Wood clamp
· Standard of cordless drill with medium Phillips bit
· Impact wrench or 3/8” ratchet
· 1/4 “ drill bit
· 1/8” drill bit
· 7/16” deep well socket
· 1/2” deep well socket
· 9/16” deep well socket
· 8’ Step Ladder
· Safety Glasses
The item not included on this is my Anger Management Therapy!

Now don’t get cocky and try to finish this in a single weekend. I took the buddy approach by leaning on the services of a very handy neighbor. Luckily he’s one of those guys with allllllll the tools. I think we set the Rainbow Playset record by completing the contraption in just under 6 weekends.

Unfortunately for my kids, summer was over.

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