1 13/16
1 13/16” high, that is.Eli 3.11 has a tiny new action figure. It’s a blue Power Ranger (a show he knows nothing about), and Eli “purchased” him with tickets he won at Dave and Buster’s on Father’s Day. This Power Ranger is more Lego-like than anything else, and you can remove both his head and his lower body.
Eli brought him home and immediately started going through his elaborate scenarios. Since Toy Story 2 is his new favorite video, and he loves Emperor Zurg’s voice, he sat on the living room carpet with his toy and kept saying (in his best Emperor Zurg voice) “DESTROY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! DESTROY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!”
“Little dude,” I said, “Saying that you’ll destroy someone is not nice.”
“Okay,” he said. “DESTROY ELI! DESTROY ELI!”
“Still probably not a nice thing to say,” I said.
“Okay,” he said. “DESTROY NO ONE! DESTROY NO ONE!”
That’s my boy. He’s crafty.
Tonight we went to have pizza and ice cream together, and while we were waiting for our food, Eli removed separated both the head and the lower body from his Power Ranger. Then he said “Where is my BUTT and my HEAD? I can’t see my BUTT because I HAVE no HEAD.”
The way he says "butt" and the way it's normally said is like the difference between a world-class bowler and a Friday night league bum. This started a round of butt jokes, which are high comedy for a three-year-old boy.
All right, they’re still funny to me, too.
Gloria resisted for as long as she could, but as we left the ice cream parlor, Eli was dawdling and she said “Come on, BUTT Lightyear.” Well, he cracked up, of course.
Cracked up. I told you they were still funny.
“Way to go,” I said. “You’ve finally joined the Caravan of Butt Jokes.”
“Peer pressure,” she said.
"BUTT Lightyear," Eli said, laughing.
“She’s a lady, whoa, whoa, whoa, she’s a lady,” I sang (using my best Tom Jones impersonation).
“Shut up,” she said.
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