Friday, July 22, 2005

Flop, Flop, Flop: They Call Her the Flopper

Gloria's temporarily turned into a flopper.

A "flopper" is someone who, after they fall asleep, moves around like a drop of water on a hot skillet.

For the last two weeks, Gloria goes to sleep (she sleeps like a rock), and while she's asleep, the flopping begins. And it goes on and on. It's not unusual for it to last an hour, sometimes longer. It's absolutely trashing my sleep.

Almost asleep
(leg moves)
Almost asleep
Almost asleep
(rolls over)
Almost asleep
(rolls back)
Almost asleep
(arm jerks)

It's so bad that I slept on the couch one night last week, just to get a few hours of rest.

Last night, Gloria (trying to take pity on me) said that she was going to sleep in the guest room, just so I could get one good night of sleep.

"Don't do that," I said. "You're sleeping fine. It's not something you're doing on purpose or anything. I can just move downstairs if it goes on too long."

My words drifted into the abyss.

When I finished reading last night, Gloria was downstairs watching her soap, so I figured she'd come up later.

When I woke up this morning, though, I could tell she hadn't been in bed. I'm laying there, kind of between asleep and awake, and she walks in.

"I got sick last night," she said.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I woke up about five with stomach cramps, sweating, and had to go to the bathroom."

"That's not good," I said.

"And my back and shoulders hurt," she said.

"That's not good, either," I said.

"Do my glasses look funny? I stepped on them."

"No, they look fine," I said. "But your face looks lopsided as hell."

"Very clever," she said.

"Do you realize what this means?" I asked.

"I have no idea," she said.

"Just ONE night spent away from my protective aura and your immune system is TRASHED," I said. "Not to mention your crumbling motor skills."

"Great," she said. "Good to know."

"Sleep another night in that guest room and we might as well have an ambulance on call," I said.
"In less than a week, your central nervous system will actually DISSOLVE."

"Noted," she said.

"I can only heal you within a range of four feet!" I shouted after her as she walked up the stairs. "That kind of mojo can't be sustained for a longer distance!"


Site Meter