Friday, June 30, 2006


My lovely wife Gloria's birthday is today. She's forty- err, something.

I took Eli 4.10 to the mall yesterday so we could shop for some gifts. He's very cool about being willing to just walk around and hang out, and we wound up being there for several hours.

"Several hours" will always produce a few stories.

We went to Pottery Barn Kids--not to buy anything, but to play with the toys. Eli saw a wooden bed that was built in the shape of a boat. He said "That's nice, but I can't get it, because it costs ten hundred thousand percent."

Clearly, Gloria's explained to him how much things cost at Pottery Barn.

So we were playing in the back of the store with this dollhouse, which was sitting on this wooden board painted with a landscape. The landscape was all green grass and dirt paths, and there was a little lake in the corner. Eli said "Ah, look at that nice lake."

How peaceful.

Three seconds later, he said "Daddy! LOOK! That lake is POISONED!" Then he lobbed two little dolls into the blue area and yelled "And those people just FELL IN!"

Why boys are different from girls, #37 in a series.

Then we went to a clothing store to look at women's clothing. "Girl store. BORING!" Eli said, and he was right. What he hadn't expected to see, though, were the mannequins. There were three of them, and each one had a flourescent wig: purple, pink, and green.

Eli walked over to the mannequins and just stared. He looked at them, then tilted his head and looked at them again, then just stood there.

I said "Eli, what do you think about that crazy hair?"

He said "I have NO IDEA."

We stopped on the way home at a grocery store to pick up a few birthday cards, and Eli was carefully examining the pictures, like he always does. He looked at the long row of cards for about thirty seconds, then held up a card and said "Daddy! It's a CAT drinking out of the TOILET!"

When in doubt, go with the classics.

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