That Schnauzer
I'm sitting outside a Petsmart this afternoon, listening to the radio in my car for a few seconds (Dan Patrick) before I go in to buy some cat litter.A woman comes walking out of the store with a Schnauzer on a leash. That Schnauzer stops on the sidewalk right in front of my car and starts to pee.
That sidewalk's going to smell, I thought, although it's probably the seventh million dog whose peed on that very spot.
That Schnauzer is still peeing, and as I'm watching, the lady takes a black plastic ladle that she's carrying in her other hand and holds it underneath the dog to catch the pee.
Let me say that again: she's catching dog pee with a ladle.
My first thought is this is the greatest day of my life. My second thought is I'm buying a video camera to keep in the car.
Is this the future? Will dog owners feel socially pressured to carry both plastic bags and ladles as they walk their pets, catching every steaming excretion with a variety of kitchenware? Could life possibly be that wonderful?
When that Schnauzer was done, the lady took a syringe out of her pocket and filled it up with pee from the ladle.
That's it, lady. I'm calling the Human Decency Police. I'll tell them to look for you in the pet cemetery, where you'll be harvesting organs for your terrifying experiments.
As it turned out, the lady walked the Schnauzer back into the store, and I realized that I had been watching a Petsmart employee gather a urine sample from a dog. But oh-how-much-more-glamorous-and-brilliant it seemed at the time.
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