Thursday, September 13, 2018


I mowed the lawn today.

"We have a situation out there," I said, coming in after about fifteen minutes.

"What's that?" Gloria asked.

"Mosquitoes. Waves of mosquitoes. I could cut out a solid brick of them with the proper tools."

"We have repellent in the bathroom." She went down the hall and brought back a bottle.

I scanned the label.

"I don't see DEET or Picaridin," I said. "There's a picture of a baby turtle in sunglasses."

"It's eco-friendly," she said.

"The active ingredient appears to be unicorn dust mixed with mint," I said. "I'll be back."

I returned from the store with a can of DEET-based repellent and proceeded to douse my clothes, then doused them again. I finished the lawn.

"How was it out there?" Gloria asked as I walked in.

"The front lines held," I said. "Mutually assured destruction and all that."

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