Wednesday, April 06, 2005

New Language Alert

I'm reading a book now called "Ballad of the Whiskey Robber," which is a non-fiction account of a Hungarian hockey goalie (and a lousy one) who becomes a legendary bank robber. It's one of the wackiest true stories I've ever read, but that's not why I'm mentioning it here.

No, the reason I'm mentioning it is because of the word "asshat." I've occasionally used it in my column, and I've always wanted to use it more often, because it's a brilliant advance in language.

Until now.

Here's an excerpt from the book in which a member of the local police force was described:
And then there was Lajos's loyal stumplike sidekick, five foot three Tibor Vagi, who had an unparalleled gift for rendering police cars utterly unusable, often through the misapplication of the gas pedal or emergency brake, and thus went by Egy Rakas Seggfej, or Mound of Asshead.

I think I can safely say that "asshat' has been permanently replaced. Please update your rules and regulations notebook at your convenience.

Also, in sponsorship news, has offered me fifty dollars to rename a body part. So if I ever mention my prostate again (and we're both hoping I don't), I'll be referring to it as "my"

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