Tuesday, July 09, 2019

The Drive-by

We were eating lunch at Chipotle yesterday.

I bit into a soggy taco. "Ow!" I said.

"What happened?" Eli 17.11 asked.

I started experimenting with moving my mouth. It did not go well. "It almost felt like my jaw dislocated," I mumbled. "I think that ends lunch for me."

"I'm sorry," Eli said, and continued to eat.

I sipped my drink. "This is getting old," I said. "Just sitting here, having lunch, and I'm the victim of a drive-by." Eli laughed.

A few minutes later, when he was done, I noticed something. Somehow, it was quiet, which is never true of Chipotle. Still mumbling, I said, "It's actually really peaceful in here."

"You know, it is," Eli said.

"I mean, after my agonizing screams stopped," I said.

This has never happened to me, but after a quick visit to the dentist, he confirmed that I had indeed dislocated my jaw (momentarily), and that all the muscles on the left side of my face had gone into spasm in response. If you're wondering how you treat that, well, you don't. You take ibuprofen and don't eat solid food until the pain goes away to the point where you can chew (not there yet). After the swelling subsides (a week, approximately), you have the dentist verify that your bite hasn't changed.

Rating: 1 of 10. Would not do again.

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