Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Security Has Been Tightened For This Column

I'd make this stuff up, but I don't have to.

ATHENS, Greece (CNN) -- Security has been tightened at the Athens Games after a man in a tutu jumped into the pool from the diving board during the men's synchronized three-meter springboard event.

He stayed in the pool for several minutes Monday before officials realized he was not supposed to be there and pulled him out of the water.

Olympic organizers said after the event that the man was trying to send a love message home to his wife, but the Web address of an online casino painted on the man's chest told another story.

I've had it with the cynical media, I tell you. I am absolutely furious with this story. How did this so-called reporter know that this guy's wife wasn't named

If you think that people don't walk around in public with words written on their bodies, then you are behind the times. I personally am so fond of the Oscar Mayer corporation that I frequently swim laps at my neighborhood pool with the words "My baloney has a first name" written on my chest.

One more thing. It took meet officials 'several minutes' to realize that a man in a tutu was not supposed to be in the pool? I'm just surprised that he didn't win a freaking medal.

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